Monday, June 15, 2009

Blood for Blood to play benefit for those injured at last Blood for Blood benefit concert

Article by Beak Wilder and Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Infamous Boston hardcore group, Blood for Blood, has agreed to play a benefit show at the United First Parish Church in Quincy Center in order to help pay the medical costs for those injured at the last Blood for Blood benefit show, which took place at the Lincoln-Hancock gymnasium. The show will take place next Saturday and is expected to raise at least half of the reputed $200,000 in hospital bills amassed by the thirty people severely injured at their last show. Mayor Koch, the city's self-proclaimed “white Michael Keaton," has publicly stated that his office will match the cash raised by the benefit in an act of charity, and, more appropriately, to avoid lawsuits that are rumored to be building from the families of the victims.

"It was the only logical way we could see to raise the money we needed," said Joe Schlopp, former assistant to the mayor's assistant, recently promoted to manage the soon-to-be weekly "This is Quincy, Not LA" hardcore festival. "There were a lot of people hurt at that last show, but, with a little bit of luck, the money we raise at this next show will be enough to even things out a bit. Blood for Blood is a great band, and we would hate to have to stop booking them for shows like this. What would we do without Blood for Blood, book a Brando reunion show? Maybe it's just me, but that doesn't sound like a show that would bring in much money."

Those who were in attendance at the previous benefit expressed sympathy for the injured parties, but remained optimistic about the upcoming event. “Two Blood for Blood shows in a month, nice,” remarked Chris Sullivan, a local music lover who went on to add, "Dude, when they play 'Soulless,' I’m going to smash people’s fucking necks in half."

“I think what they're doing is great,” replied Mark Sarno, a Boston musician. “I know I personally windmilled some guy's face to pieces during that last show, and also snapped some asshole's leg in the bathroom when I heard them playing the mosh part from 'Raining Blood.' I heard they’re going to open with 'Hurt You' for this gig---I’m going to bring a sledgehammer, kid---a fuckin’ sledgehammer.”

Mike K., a strong silent type from Charlestown who will be at the benefit told reporters that the underwhelmed security of past Blood for Blood shows should not deter people from coming out to see the band. “Nah, don’t worry about that,” announced K whilst wearing a charming Ben Sherman polo, still stained with blood from the previous gig. "We got, like, three extra security guys we found at the Wellington train station---that should do it.”

The Mayor reiterated the fact that security would be more organized than previous Quincy benefits. “Look, there’s been problems---no doubt about it---but this time will be different. I know that some guy had his head slammed in a car door outside for thirteen straight minutes while Blood for Blood was tuning their guitars, so this time we advise people to park away from the building and not do that.” The Mayor then went on to state, “If they play 'Paper Gangster,' I’m going to straight up murder everyone with a lead pipe.”

But between all the tough guy talk and macho ignorance, the underlying purpose of the upcoming benefit show has Quincy residents hopeful, as it becomes increasingly clear that Quincy is a city that looks out for it's own. If all goes as planned, those who were injured at the last show will receive all the medical care they need at no out-of-pocket expense. Most in need of this medical attention is Jeff Brophy, a well-known socialite from Wollaston, who reportedly received a most vicious spin kick during the breakdown in "Piss All Over Your Hopes and Dreams," resulting in what was described as the "most retardedly disfigured face of all time."


sweden said...

Is there a black Michael Keaton?

Beak Wilder said...

Yes, his name is Keith David.

TomTurkolio said...

This is just a disgrace, a Blood for Blood reunion show to benefit those injured?! All the proceeds should certainly be appropriated elsewhere (the restoration of Uncle Sam's sign in Wollaston, new railings at The Beachcomber, new flavors of ice cream at local ice cream parlors, ect ect....!) Absolutely not to fix some disgusting kid from Wollastons hidious face! Look, everyone used to like Jeff Brophy a lot but since the last show his brain hasn't been right, no doctors at Quincy fucking Medical can fix that they're no neurologists up there, and lets face it, who isn't happier since he sort of "fell off the map"?

julie said...

how did u get a pic of brophy that is only located on my phone

Beak Wilder said...

Don't worry about that, Julie.
The Scallion has it's ways.