Friday, March 19, 2010

First annual Blood for Blood Beach Party shut down by authorities, cancelled indefinitely

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

The city's first annual Blood for Blood Beach Party came to an abrupt end yesterday afternoon, as authorities were called in almost immediately due to multiple injuries, noise complaints, public displays of soullessness, and bare knuckle fistfights.

Blood for Blood, the seminal Boston hardcore band, known for local favorites, such as "Piss All Over Your Hopes and Dreams" and "Paper Gangster," was last in the headlines after several injuries at a benefit show at the United First Parish Church in Quincy Center earned them a three-week ban in the Granite City.

The event, which was intended to go into all hours of the night, had been set up by the mayor's office earlier that day in celebration of the warm weather.

Having initially been unable to attain the services of the band, itself, the city decided to instead start off by playing their celebrated first album, Spit My Last Breath, through Wollaston Beach's brand new Bose speaker system.

This, of course, proved to be "just too intense" for those in attendance to handle.

"The people of Quincy love Blood for Blood," spoke mayoral aide Joe Schlopp, as he soothed an impending shiner with a bag of frozen peas. "If you don't believe me, go visit the Quincy Medical Center emergency room."

All throughout the emergency room waiting area, Quincy residents bled onto the floor, each of them waiting their turn to be stitched up and repaired.

"It was one of Quincy's better beach parties," remarked Officer Nico Haylen, whose unorthodox uniform of camouflage shorts and Blood for Blood shirt told the tale of a man who has very little to hide. "I wish we didn't have to cut it short. If it wasn't for receiving over a thousand complaints in under three minutes, I would have turned my cheek to just about anything. But this job comes with responsibilities, and once in a while, you just can't ignore that. Not that I was able to get much accomplished, anyway. I didn't even have my gun with me. It weighs me down when I'm dancing. No, we had to pull a pretty spicy move for this one. We called the big man, himself. At that point, he was the only one this city would listen to. So, we got Buddha to go up to the Ruth Gordon Amphitheater and address the crowd, urging them to cool off and settle the fuck down. It cost us ten grand just to get him to do it, but who knows how much it saved us in inevitable property damage."

Erick "Buddha" Medina, addressing the angry crowd yesterday evening at the amphitheater.

"As soon as Buddha told the people to go home, the entire city complied," commented DJ Steve Stennehy, who provided record scratches for the event. "I don't think this city will be having any more hardcore-themed beach parties, though. At least not for a while. I think it's pretty obvious that Quincy's not ready to handle something like that. We were flying today, but a little too close to the sun."

As of now, the mayor's office is reporting that the annual Blood for Blood Beach Party festivities have been cancelled indefinitely.

No comments: