Article by Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web
Reports flooded into the Quincy Animal Control’s head office last night, warning of a possibly “massive animal brawl” occurring in the backyard of a Wollaston home.
The first of these calls was received at 9:04pm by call center employee Rhonda Lutty, who described a frantic woman’s voice screaming about a “bunch of animals going nuts in a backyard.”
“I couldn’t quite make out what was going on,” recalled Lutty, a morbidly obese female from the Montclair section of Farrington Street. “The woman said something about animals getting out of control, but then she was drowned out by what sounded like a lion roaring into a megaphone.”
Lutty’s titanium lawn chair then abruptly gave up and collapsed in on itself. She was fired mere moments later on the grounds of being “physically ridiculous.”
As it is a well-known fact that the Quincy Animal Control’s head office doesn’t bother to record their messages, it is scientifically impossible to go back and analyze the call.
Neighbors near the site of the disturbance, which is being kept secret until the commotion dies down, were reluctant to divulge any additional information.
“There was a ton of bats swooping around over there,” said Peanut Buttersworth, as he waved his arms in the general vicinity of everywhere. A senior citizen who spent the better part of last night sleeping on his roof, Buttersworth went on to add, “Although it’s not easy for me to see what’s going on since I wear two pairs of sunglasses at all times, I distinctly heard a kangaroo, an octopus, a prize-winning bulldog, and at least several million ants battling for supremacy.”
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