Saturday, March 20, 2010

Baby puncher arrested in Quincy Police sting operation, shows no signs of regret

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Quincy Police arrested Seymour Chumsford, of Quincy Point, yesterday as part of an intense sting operation, charging him in a recent rash of baby punchings that had been occurring over the past three weeks.

Chumsford, who is no stranger to jail cells, was last in the news only two months ago, when he attempted to blame Toyota's current recall concerns after his mid-nineties Corolla accidentally backed over his wife's face a total of twenty-six times.

The first reports of these baby punchings began in late-February, when Juanita Cabrera, a mother of twelve, called Quincy Police, complaining about a man who approached her in the Walmart parking lot, punching her baby directly in the face.

Two days later, a similar call was placed into Quincy Police headquarters, followed by twelve more throughout the eighteen days that followed.

"This guy wasn't just punching babies," remarked Officer John Steele. "He was punching them as hard as he could. Some of these babies took shots to the face that would knock out a grown man. This guy deserves whatever he gets. In my eleven months as a police officer, this is the most disgusting act I have ever seen."

Speaking against the advice of his court-appointed attorney, Chumsford showed no signs of regret, even reiterating several times that he had no intentions of stopping.

"I will punch them all," Chumsford told reporters. "Every last one of them."

Chumsford then stared directly into the eyes of a nearby jackal, causing it to dart wildly into the street and begin mauling the face of a newborn baby girl.

Chumsford will be arraigned this Monday at Quincy District Court.


Stromby said...

It is apparent when not punching babies he enthusiastically headbutts discarded nail ridden lumber.

Paul, Dammit! said...

Keeripes, I bet he can talk to dolphins through that forehead.

shy said...

lmfao ... is this a true story? once i find out ill stop laughing haha. looks like some 1 smacked him like a hundred times in the head with a flat head screwdriver lol