Thursday, March 18, 2010

Above average temperatures become cat-alyst for purr-fect beach day for local felines

Article by Beak Wilder and Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Clear skies and summer-like temperatures paved way for a perfect beach day today, especially for local feline, Leo-Hector, who was last in the news after receiving the prestigious 2009 Outstanding Quincy Citizen of the Year award.

Eschewing warnings from local police to “stay the fuck off of the beach” after multiple shark and falcon attacks were reported, Leo-Hector and dozens upon thousands of cats arrived to catch some rays and frolic about.

"Quincy is probably the only city where you'll see more cats on the beach than people," remarked Mayor Thomas Koch, as he struggled to maintain consciousness after an impressive four Reuben sandwiches. "Some of the finest cats in the country can be found here. It's just a beautiful city, and a truly amazing thing to be in complete control of. God, it's fucking nice out right now! This is unbelievable."

Gathering driftwood, the four-legged furballs managed to erect a crude bonfire, which amazed and delighted all who witnessed it’s fiery fury.

With only teen drinkers and a raw sewage spill dampening an otherwise perfect day, the cats relaxed into a state of well-being, far beyond what any mere mortal could ever hope to achieve in our otherwise miserable, pointless lives.

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