Monday, March 8, 2010

Ed Hardy douchebags spotted at Quincy's Club 58


Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Two Ed Hardy douchebags were spotted at Quincy's Club 58 on Saturday night, causing many residents to wonder what the fuck is next.


Ed Hardy, the Southern California tattoo artist, who is known for his subpar blend of standard flash art and overly obnoxious color schemes, has long since been the subject of public ridicule, even amongst residents of the Granite City.

Having received a "no wear" rule in late-2007, the Ed Hardy clothing has been banned ever since, although many of those who shop at stores, such as Marshalls and TJ Maxx have attempted to bypass this.

"I don't get it," claimed Salton Pepper, a self-proclaimed "expert on clothing lines, tattoos, and social trends," last in the news after causing a 52-car pile-up in Squantum. "I just don't get it. This is absolutely one of the worst clothing lines I have ever seen. And the tattoos aren't even that great. I'm gonna go ahead and say that this is nothing more than another social trend."

While many residents demanded the immediate deportation of the two men, others were unsure of what that entailed.


"I don't even know what deportation means," claimed Ricky McAlvin, a known creep from Montclair, who frequents the establishment to date rape the same three girls every weekend. "I'll tell you what we should do, though: we should take those two dickheads and escort 'em to the Quincy border, and never let 'em back in. That's what we should fuckin' do."

There is no word yet on where, exactly, McAlvin would like to have the two men deported to, although the most likely candidate is Weymouth.

Authorities have asked all Quincy residents to please refrain from attempting to commit any form of street justice against those in Ed Hardy clothing. They have, however, stated that, while it may be impossible to avoid these people at all times, it is best to stay clear of Ford Broncos and Jeep Wranglers that are blasting Social Distortion's "Story of My Life" at an ear-splitting volume.

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

that was hilarious....especially the part about Ricky McAlvin...

Paul, Dammit! said...

Wow, Club 58 is still open?

It seems like not spotting douchebags in that neighborhood would be hard to do. Everyone who goes in there should be sterilized and debarked before they can go home.