Coastal flooding creates hostile conditions for residents, some so poor, others so black

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

Coastal flooding and harsh winds have created hostile conditions for many Granite City residents, some of which are so poor and so black.

All night long, flood warnings from the National Weather Service in Taunton have dominated television screens, urging locals to stay inside and wait out the storm.

But who suffers most in these times of troublesome weather?

Is it the otherwise trustworthy weather reporter, who will no doubt be blamed for the destructive winds, hard rain, and damaged property? Or is it the careless neighbor next door, who smokes cigarettes, uses microwave ovens, and refuses to recycle, paving way for events such as this? Top researchers say that it is neither of these, for as usual, it is blacks who will suffer the hardest fate.

"Historically speaking, blacks have had a pretty tough go at things," remarked Dr. Alan Ripple, former head of Quincy College's now-defunct medical department. "From Germantown, to Grafton Street, to the Little Compton section of West Quincy, lower income black families are the ones who will suffer the most. When the Wollaston levees broke, thousands of residents were forced to leave their homes, some of them taking to seek shelter on rooftops until rescue teams could take them safely to Veterans Memorial Field. My heart goes out to these families. I just can't help but to think that this tragedy could have somehow been avoided."

While most residents appear calm at this time, Glenroyal Smoothshave did not.

Smoothshave, a former welterweight boxer from the hard side of Merrymount, expressed disgust at the situation, claiming the Wollaston levees had been poorly designed by the Quincy Point Panthers cheerleading squad.


Glenroyal Smoothshave, the absolute angriest motherfucker this city will ever know.

"I'm sick and tired of this shit," Smoothshave screamed. "Why weren't the residents of this city alerted with enough time to conduct a proper, timely evacuation? Why in God's name would a city hire a cheerleading squad to design a levee? And why the fuck were a shitload of black people sitting up on rooftops? If that was white people up on them rooftops, there would have been a helicopter for every single one of them. But no, the black man's gotta stay up on the rooftop all day and piss and shit in front of news cameras. If that was Elvis up on that rooftop, they would have raised the Titanic to go get him. If that was Justin Timberlake, Obama himself would have picked him up in a goddamn canoe. Even if it were Steve Zahn, or somebody like that, the motherfucker would have been there for six minutes, tops. Like I said, I'm sick of this shit. I'm about to get medieval up in this bitch. Who the fuck gets their flood warnings from Taunton, anyway? That is some straight up bullshit."

Smoothshave then darted up Hancock Street at the speed of an angry bulldog, causing Houston, Texas rap artist, Scarface, to cross the street in fear.

There is no word yet as to why Scarface was in Quincy, although it is expected that he may be researching the area for his upcoming film, Mo' Crazy Ridiculous.

For updates and warnings on today's weather, please watch the news.