Friday, May 15, 2009

Disgraced "Big Dig" contractors win valuable Quincy waterslide development, chance to redeem themselves

Article by Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

The city of Quincy will save millions on the estimated cost of its most recent waterslide development (which will most likely balloon astronomically in the future) by using recycled faulty materials from the collapsed Ted Williams Tunnel.

"There will be absolutely no wrongful deaths for at least ten years," promised head "Big Dig" honcho, "Fat" Matt Amorello. "Look, we all know that skimping on the supply cost, skimming money off of the overhead, and hiring untrained and overpaid labor didn’t quite work out as we expected on the tunnel project, but there is no concrete---ha ha, pun intended---proof that it won’t work out wonderfully on the waterslide project. This shit's gonna go smooth as butter, trust me."

After being chastised by all those present at the press conference for his borderline offensive attempt at humor in the wake of a disaster that left one person dead, Amorello was applauded by city officials for jumping at the chance to work on the city's hottest new attraction.

Mayor Thomas Koch was one of the many who supported the decision. “To all the detractors out there who have called and written into my office," he explained. "Including the family of the deceased, I can assure you that this partnership is a match made in heaven---where we all hope the recent victim is, I might add. I can also assure those who believe that Mr. Amorello’s corporation will default on their promise to have the job done in time, that it will be completed as scheduled. I mean, who would work harder than a guy who needs to restore his grossly destroyed reputation after his shoddy workmanship actually killed someone?”

For More Information: The Quincy Waterslide Concourse

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