Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mayor practices his best Brando pose, promises to make South Shore an offer it can't refuse

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Just last night, Mayor Thomas Koch declared that he has almost perfected his Marlon Brando pose from the hilarious mob comedy, The Godfather. The press meeting, which took place in the four-lane bowling alley located in the basement level of City Hall, was being held to discuss an upcoming construction project in Quincy Point. The purpose for the meeting then took a surprise shift as the mayor began to explain his intentions to declare ownership of all bordering towns.

"Vito Corleone was a feared leader," the mayor explained. "He was revered by all who knew him, and respected by even his most spiteful enemies. The bordering towns of Weymouth, Braintree, and Milton have to know that they are dealing with a city that is superior to them in every way. That is why I am here tonight, to propose to you all that the South Shore not only recognizes me as the mayor of this beautiful city, but as the boss of all boss, or the 'capo di tutti capi,' as the Italians say."

The mayor's offer was greeted with a long, presumably respectful, silence, followed by a brief moment of confused clapping and mutterings of agreement. Many who were present for the meeting stated that they felt alienated and confused. Some even spoke out against the mayor and his seemingly off-the-wall offer. "This is a gimmick," said Jeff Archaic, a Wal-Mart lobbyist from North Quincy. "He's playing off the success of a classic feature film, and it's actually working for some people. Give it a few days and he'll probably be petting a cat and doing horrible voice impressions. This is ridiculous. I can't believe that people are falling for this shit."

Those who disagreed stated that the mayor is merely trying out new leadership tactics, and has promised to keep "switching it up," as long as it is deemed necessary. "The mayor is simply trying to do what's right for his city," claimed Trim Whitman, a City Hall filing clerk. "Research clearly shows that respect for authority is almost always based out of fear. It's nothing personal. It's just another one of the mayor's spicy moves, and that's exactly how it should be taken. After the 9/11 tragedy and this current recession, I think it's pretty safe to say we could all use a nice, hearty laugh. Everyone should just settle down."

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