Saturday, May 16, 2009

Recent study conducted by scientists shows that "time is money up in this world"


Article by Beak Wilder and Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

A recent study has finally proven the Neal Diamondz theory of "time is money up in this world." The reportedly complex study, which was conducted by an insane amount of scientists, was performed in the basement level of the mini-complex formally known as "The Maggot's Nest" in West Quincy.

"Further research shows that the more time people spend at work, the more money they make," said Stina Bellcamp, a veterinarian whose presence was legally required to ensure that no animals were hurt during the testing. "We have found what appears to be a direct link between time and money, and can state that they are both, in fact, up in this world. In the world of biomedical veterinary science, it's truly the only concrete theory that holds up."

The theory began in the late nineties when local rap artist, Neal Diamondz, wrote "Sayin' She's My Lady," a fan favorite among Quincy's lowbrow community. The song itself was praised by critics, and was considered by many to be a complex study of conflicting emotions when dealing with the trials and tribulations of a life full of bitches and hoes. Since it's release, Neal Diamondz has remained one of the leading artists within his genre, becoming known for his tongue-in-cheek lyrics, flashy attire, "who cares" attitude, and visually stunning performances.

"I'm a scientist," said Dr. Calvin Funkenstein, a local scientist known for his wacky adventures in the research lab. "If there's anybody out there that's gonna prove something, it's me. Is time up in this world---yes. Is money up in this world---of course it is, I make a shitload of it. Using this flimsy equation, one can easily conclude that if time equals this world, and if money also equals this world, then time must, in fact, also equal money. 'Time = Money (Up in this World)' is the new 'E=MC²,' except this time, people can actually explain what it means. It's simple shit, really. It's just the transitive property you learn in high school algebra. You don't even actually have to be a scientist to come to the conclusion, it just helps."

Neal Diamondz was unavailable for comment on this matter, however, if he had commented, it is assumed that the ladies would have been all up on that shit.

Download: Sayin' She's My Lady (MP3 File)

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fuck Neal Diamondz!!!
I'm sick of this slick ass mother fucker stealing everyone's fuckin' girlfriends and shit. When I called him out on it the punk ass bitch pistol whipped the shit out of my face and kicked me in the head when I fell down then hit me with a brick. Kid thinks he's fuckin' 2Pac or something. I hope he reads this and tries to come find me. Watch what will happen! Fuck him!!! Fuck him hard!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, he fucked my girlfriend too, Then dropped her off in the bushes in front of our house making her tuck and roll from the car as he sped off. What a fucking ASSHOLE!

Anonymous said...

I fucked him!

Anonymous said...

Me too..

Anonymous said...

He gave me crabs

Nicole said...

Was Neighbor Ted running said experiments?

Neal said...

Damn, I got bashed pretty bad here.

Beak Wilder said...

Yeah, and all by anonymous people...