Monday, May 4, 2009

Central Middle School time capsule from 2003 prematurely dug up, "not much has changed," witnesses claim

Article by Beak Wilder and Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

A Central Middle School time capsule from 2003 was prematurely dug up this Saturday, causing major confusion among spectators and those who organize the annual event. "This isn't the first time something like this has happened," stated Geoff LeFleur, Chairman of the Quincy Time Capsule Council. "Every few years we end up digging in the wrong spot, and I guess this is just one of those years. Everybody kept complaining about how lackluster the contents of the capsule were. It was as if they had no clue what had happened."

Items that were found in the time capsule included a Sopranos Season Three DVD, a Fubu sweatshirt, a D12 album, a Motorola i580 model cell phone, and an offensively ugly Burberry hat. "It wasn't until I saw the Burberry hat that I realized something had gone horribly wrong," commented Edward Mack, a Dorchester resident who has taken part in the event for the past sixteen years. "It was so ugly, and everybody just kept pointing at it and gagging. I literally swallowed my own puke for a second, and I didn't even have any gum on me. It was disgusting. I hate plaid."

The time capsule intended to be dug up was from 1969, and was thought to have included valuable records and hand-made hemp necklaces, as well as flyers protesting the Vietnam War. "My mother went to this school back then," said Jim McGruff, an unemployed resident from Grafton Street. "I was hoping she left behind a few hits of acid, or something like that. Now I'm gonna have to start digging on my own once the sun goes down. I could be here all night."

Some residents of the area, however, were not as upset about the mistake as others. "Wow," exclaimed a shocked Ken Curillo of Merrymount. "Look at that, they didn't even have iPhones back then. How did they even watch movies?"

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