Thursday, January 14, 2010

Quincy restaurateur to open "crazier second restaurant" on Marina Bay boardwalk

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

The owner of Siros restaurant in Marina Bay will be opening another eatery on the complex’s boardwalk, this time catering to the crazier side of the city.

Siros owner Kristy Hendersen has reported that she has already obtained a lease to open a restaurant and function hall called Port 305 in the former Skyline.

"It's going to be a family restaurant," Hendersen said. "But it's also going to be fucking insane. You thought Water Works was bad? Wait until you see this shit. We're gonna have jello wrestling, mechanical bull riding, baby slapping, dance-offs, bonanzas, jump roping, murder contests, and fucking midget sex. Yeah, you heard me right; midgets having sex while you eat. So fucking gross, but so fucking awesome. This place is gonna be a non-stop mind fuck!"

Hassan Haydar, property manager of Boardwalk Shops Realty Corp., who took over ownership of the Skyline location, confirmed that Hendersen has signed a lease for the 305 Victory Road location, although stated that she must still obtain city permits and license transfers before she can open.

This, Haydar said, should not pose a major problem, as his influence and power of persuasion should be "more than enough to seal the deal."

Hassan Haydar (left) and a business associate (right) during their last property deal.

"There's gonna be so many balloons," Hendersen added, as she stared down a passing jogger, never once blinking, always maintaining the stare. "The entire first floor is going to be made out of meat. And the second floor is gonna be a futuristic function hall. Whether it's karaoke, dancing, or picking up a quarter pound of honey baked ham, everything you could ever need is gonna be in this place. It's gonna be a one-stop fiesta of your wildest dreams. I can't wait to fucking open this shit."

Hendersen later confirmed that deli meat will not be made available at the restaurant, although did admit that it would have been "wicked awesome," had it been true.

The only known photograph of Hendersen, just before she attacked Slim of Quincy Daily Photo.

As reported by more respectable media sources in the area, assets of the former establishment will be auctioned off on January 27th.

The auction will include restaurant hardware and equipment that was seized by a heartless creditor after Skyline owners Gail and Freddy Sliderman lost their asses in Vegas back in November, causing them to shut down and close for good.

Author's Note: Happy birthday to Slick Rick and Jason Bateman!!!


paul the pirate (Yar!) said...

The Hassan Haydar photo and captain was perfectly done. Well played, sir. Well played.

Anonymous said...

Kristy (great likeness) was just as I remember her, definitely a Quincy girl....but she never remembered her friends, especially as I introduced her to Tom. (he financed her)