Monday, January 4, 2010

Old photograph of Quincy Center shows snowy weather not constant problem

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

An old photograph found in the basement level of the former Quincy Records & Tapes shows that snowy weather is not constant in the Granite City, giving many residents a new breath of hope for better times to come.

The photograph was found during a tryout for MTV's upcoming Let's See Who Can Dig the Deepest Hole reality show, where contestants literally do nothing but compete to see who can dig the deepest hole.

The reality show is expected to last no less than seventeen seasons, and is already being hailed as "one of the most thought-provoking shows MTV has had in years" by critics all over the globe.

"It's great to know that this snow won't last forever," said Jaime "The Scallion Stallion" Curbkick, a session musician from the mean streets of West Quincy, last in the media's eye after drinking a record-breaking sixteen Coronas while waiting for his meal at the Clam Box. "I thought I remembered Quincy being warmer at times, but I wasn't completely sure. It's pictures like this that really make you remember that it wasn't all just in your head."

Curbkick then abruptly ended the interview, as he received a cryptic text message from his basement apartment tenant, Yosemite Domingo-Octavius, an unemployed feline who has been milking the system for the past twelve years.

Yosemite Domingo-Octavius, doing what he does best...struggling to stay awake.

There is no word yet on what the exact context of Domingo-Octavius' text message was, although it is most likely due to a recent fear of running out of food, as November's Eggo shortage was said to have nearly driven the cat insane.

"It's a good thing they found that photograph," remarked Paul McGranite, a wealthy investor from North Quincy. "People in this city do far too many drugs to remember a few months back. This past summer is nothing but a fading memory to most of these people, if that. We really proved something here with this picture. Pictures are the best form of proof for anything. They can't be altered, they can't be doctored, and everything you see in them is exactly as it happened. This snow will melt away, eventually. I truly believe that now."

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