Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Quincy girls in danger of earning reputation as whores, recent study shows

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

A recent study conducted by a seemingly random duo shows that, as a whole, Quincy girls are in danger of earning a bad reputation, some of them even being considered bigger whores than Weymouth girls.

The study, which was conducted during an extended lunch break at Coop's, was performed by diabetic Quincy cop, Nico Haylen, as well as the legendary Kenny Fantastaberg, who is one of the leading tattoo artists in Bridgewater.

"Quincy girls are at a point where, if they don't do something about it now, their reputation could be marred forever," said Fantastaberg, as he applied the finishing touches on a unique piece of tribal art. "People don't care what these girls think. Nobody wants to hear what they have to say. They're not looking for any form of creativity or individual thought. They just wanna lick 'em and stick 'em. Before I was one of the leading tattoo artists in Bridgewater, I used to flip Quincy girls on the regular. I'd pick one out, give her a little makeover, and toss her right back into rotation. It was a hobby of mine. And it was easy. All you had to do was toss on a pair of shell toes, give her some Contempo bell-bottoms, an oversized Gap hoodie, get her nails done, spray a fuckin' tan on, and throw her hair in a bun. After that, she was ready to go. 'Easier than making a baby cry.' That's what I always say."

Aside from Fantastaberg's personal opinion, no further data from the study was able to be recovered, as Officer Nico Haylen reportedly devoured all notes taken during what spectators described as a "twisted, in-fucking-sane, diabetic rage."

As seen in the Google search below, however, Fantastaberg's opinion is shared by many, even the World Wide Web.

A Google search for "Quincy girls," which automatically suggest a search for "whores."

"I don't really think a study is needed, to be honest," Fantastaberg added. "But if Mayor Koch wants to pay me $60,000 to tell him something he should already know, that's fine with me. But anybody who needs to be told that Quincy girls are a bunch of bummin' messes is probably a little soft in the head. I mean, take a fuckin' look around. I was in Quincy the other day, and I saw four high school girls wearing Ugg boots and mini-skirts. Seriously, four fucking girls. Are you cold, or are you not cold? Pick a fucking temperature and roll with it, ya fuckin' whorebags."

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