Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What the fuck, dude??? Water fell from sky!!!

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

In an interesting turn of events, water fell from the sky yesterday afternoon, causing many residents of the area to have absolutely nothing to talk about but the weather.

From Squantum to West Quincy, conversation starters, such as, "How about this weather?" and "Boy, it's really coming down out there, isn't it?" filled the streets.

"It seems like people will never get used to the rain," an expert said.

The more it rained, the more craziness ensued. From car accidents, to explosions, to murder, a wild wave of insanity ran rampant throughout the city, stirring up madness like a heroin junky fresh out of rehab with two hundred dollars in his hand.

"It was unlike anything I had ever seen before," claimed Janie Pandabaworth, a stereotypical female type from Hough's Neck. "It was like condensation had built up in the clouds above, and then, from out of nowhere, as if by some crazy force of nature, fell to the ground. I don't even know how to explain it. But it was weird and it was wet. And I'll probably still be talking about it until the day I fucking die."

Pandabaworth's dead body was found later that evening in a ditch near Brill Field. She was brought to Quincy Medical Center, where she was immediately pronounced "dead beyond repair" by a Dr. Desmond Shaw.

As with other murders in recent past, her body had been beaten and brutalized, and a Dunkin' Donuts Great One cup had been found within her general vicinity, this time, twenty feet below the ocean surface, just off the coast of Rock Island.


Anonymous said...

There's only two people I know drinkin "great ones" in this town, and both of them can be described as "unsavory"

Anonymous said...

'Unsavory' pretty much describes all Quincy residents, but therein lies it's charm. It's kind of like the south shore's version of the Somali coast.