Thursday, January 7, 2010

Brazen daylight art theft rocks Franklin Street

Article by Brunk Edwards / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

A wild scene unfolded yesterday morning when art thieves carrying high-powered automatic weapons robbed the Frantic Framers art supply store.

The daring robbers struck the 94 Franklin Street location at approximately 9:00AM, according to a cut alarm clock, which was hidden strategically in an abandoned Toyota Corolla across the street.

Witnesses described pandemonium as the precision theft erupted whilst daily commuters made their way to work.

It remains unclear as to what was taken in the robbery, but it is assumed to be a frame. Most likely, one that would
nicely suit an enlarged picture of a sunset, or, I don't know. . .maybe a beautiful elephant, or something.

An insanely detailed police sketch of the daring art thieves in action.

“It was crazy,” gasped Johanne Suave Jr., a smooth character from the neighborhood. “I just couldn't believe it could happen here. Maybe on Hancock Street, but not here on Franklin.”

Officers responding to the scene were ill-prepared for the ruthless tactics the thieves employed. Two men guarded the entrance to the art supply store and held off the police, while two other accomplices somehow maneuvered past the legendary Frantic Framers security system. Possibly by using freestyle walking techniques or some form of improvised dancing.

Up until now, no one has ever successfully stolen anything from Frantic Framers. This is either because of the high-grade, stainless steel padlock used to secure their front door, or because heroin addicts and high school kids prefer to rob more interesting places.

Head security guard at the store, Alf Nelson, was murdered almost immediately with several point blank punches to the thorax. His shattered corpse was then carelessly tossed into a dumpster nearby, where it is still presumed to be.

In a strange turn of events, Hannibal LeMarsupial, Quincy's leading collector of wooden picture frames, called up a local radio station to announce that he would not rest until the culprits were brought to justice.

LeMarsupial, live on Quincy's WJDA Radio, talking some straight-up shit.

The frame that was allegedly taken is a rare 1994 wooden frame, which is believed by many to be the only one of it's kind in the South Shore area.


Matty Hammers said...

I love a good heist.

Anonymous said...

I hope they stole some Propel!

(my captch says propeent)

Tacky said...

I too thought this was going to be a Propel related crime.

Beak Wilder said...

I have no idea what Propel is. That's my story, and I'm fucking sticking to it.

Tacky said...

That makes sense.