Thursday, January 7, 2010

Local funny man wanted for questioning in citywide pranking spree

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

Local funny man, Joe "Crazy Dipping Sauce" Relievio, is wanted for questioning in regards to dozens of childish pranks that have been pulled throughout the Granite City over the past few weeks.

Relievio is a direct descendant of the Relievio Dynasty, leaving him with the third most powerful street game dynasty in the world, second only to the great Stickball Dynasty, but also second to the fan favorite Hopscotch Dynasty.

Relievio's grandfather, Salvatore P. Relievio, who invented the well-known game, was at one point a very powerful man, although his decision to make relievio a free game was inevitably his greatest downfall.

Since the death of his grandfather, Relievio is said to have taken to the world of elaborate hoaxes, which very quickly caused the death of his father, after a burning paper bag on the front steps ended with a blazing inferno, as his father's house had also been completely covered with extremely flammable toilet paper.

One of Relievio's more famous gags took place six months ago, when he spent the entire day on his friend's boat wearing sunglass lenses without the frames.

This wacky display of spectacles was said by many to be "quite the spectacle."

Joe "Crazy Dipping Sauce" Relievio, staying true to his love of laughter.

Other gags of recent past that were celebrated by the lovable Relievio include, pranking the mayor's office line, filling the waterfall in front of the Avalon at Faxon Park complex up with laundry detergent, volunteering at Quincy Mental Health and messing with the medications, convincing an unsuspecting Adams Shore neighborhood that zombies were on the loose, and impregnating a minor.

It was at this point that Quincy Police decided Relievio had gone too far, issuing an arrest warrant with an apparent "shoot to kill" clause, which, according to local diabetic hero, Officer Nico Haylen, is "100% dead serious."

"I don't have to answer any of these bullshit questions," Relievio screamed, as he disappeared into the Beachcomber crowd, stunning the audience with his hilarious blend of hypnotic dance moves and offensive hand gestures. This, of course, did very little to shatter anyone's preconceived perception of him.

At this point, Relievio is still at large, and is to be considered unarmed and ridiculous. Anyone who comes into contact with Relievio is to be advised to remain on their toes, as his sneaky, pranking ways have been known to slither their way into the lives of others at even the most inopportune times.

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