Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web
A group of West Quincy kids were chased out of Kincaid Park earlier this afternoon by several "super sexy dudes," authorities are reporting.
Sporting pre-faded cargo shorts and not much else, the unidentified group of males advanced upon the neighborhood youths with football in hand, ready and willing to battle it out in feats of strength and heroic acts of showmanship.
"It was like Omaha Beach," one witness said. "But so much sexier."
While no one was able to determine exactly where the group of men had come from, all agreed that their physique was quite impressive, even by Quincy standards.
"I ran as fast as I could," admitted Kenny Manlon, who has lived in the Brewer's Corner area his entire life. "I wasn't scared, or nothin' like that. I ain't scared of no one. But I ain't lettin' no group of shirtless dudes run up on me and start grabbing me. No fucking way. Not while people are watching, at least."
Authorities are currently asking anyone who knows the whereabouts of these visually appealing miscreants to please call them as soon as possible.
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