Monday, April 5, 2010

Dr. Dre, coming straight outta...Boston?

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Opening day at historic Fenway Park saw many familiar faces, as well as a 9-7 win over the New York Yankees, Boston's longest running rival.

Among those in attendance were rock legends, Steven Tyler and Neil Diamond, sports player, LeBron James, and nigga with attitude, Dr. Dre.

Sticking to a seemingly new backstory of being "straight outta Boston," Dre began to receive dirty looks and awkward glances from those who remember his earlier days as a young rap artist, with some going as far as to claim the iconic performer was, as he would have put it, "flakin' and perpetratin', but scared to kick reality."

"Dr. Dre is not from Boston," declared Bruce Old, a volunteer historian from Montclair. "As far as I'm concerned, he's not even from Massachusetts."

It is still unclear at this time as to how far, exactly, Mr. Old is concerned.

"I just took some Ecstasy," Dre remarked, after being asked an entirely unrelated question. "Ain't no tellin' what the side effects could be."

Collapsing in the stands as the soothing sounds of a Roland TR-808 Rhythm Composer began to pound the stadium through Fenway's brand new Bose speaker system, Dre was then rushed to Mass General Hospital, where he was pronounced "high as a motherfucker" and sent to detox to get clean.

There is no word yet on when Dre will be released from detox, nor has there been any confirmation on whether, or not, he will actually release The Detox.


Tacky said...

Bruce Old is really fucking old.

Beak Wilder said...

He's even older than he was back when we used to prank him!

Tacky said...

Good for him still being alive.

Beakeysdad said...

Steve Tyler's lips caused a commotion
during the national anthem. At least I was smart/dumb enough to wait until the Red Sox were out of town when I vaulted the railing. The cops said, "We didn't arrest you because we we were laughing so fucking hard."