Saturday, April 3, 2010

La Paloma restaurant issued stern verbal warning by self-proclaimed inspector

Article by Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Well-known Mexican themed restaurant, La Paloma, was issued a stern verbal warning by Melvin Sobe, a self-proclaimed “inspector” and general man-about-town.

The warning was issued via verbal screaming last night at approximately 9:30pm.

Sobe, a food consumer from the bowels of North Quincy, reportedly launched a rapid-fire campaign of hate towards waitresses at the popular restaurant for what he deemed to be “unbelievable antics.”

“First off, they undercooked the hot dog that I brought in,” miffed Sobe, as he soothed a broken elbow that was slammed by a speeding Toyota Corolla mere minutes earlier.

“Then, I noticed that the table salt seemed to contain an extreme amount of sodium,” Sobe continued. “Sodium is the leading cause of fucking insane heart attacks in this country. If a child, or even a grown-up adult, drank that salt, they could very well be subjected to a debilitating heart condition. It’s just not safe.”

Spending the next several minutes begging for loose change and taking wild, unorthodox swings at a nearby pigeon, Sobe returned to the topic at hand.

“You’ve got to stop this type of bullshit right when it starts. You can't just sit back and do nothing. If I don’t say something now, who knows how far it will go? I mean, look at what happened in Germany back in ’39.”

In a surprising turn of events, Sobe was killed seconds later by a boomerang which had spun wildly out of control from a group of foreign children.

Management at La Paloma declined to comment on the allegations, however, responded to crowds gathering outside by blaring Method Man’s “M.E.T.H.O.D. Man” at a tooth-decaying volume.

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