Monday, April 26, 2010

Germantown yard sale proves too intense for most, raided by federal agents

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of a cell phone in Adams Shore

A Germantown yard sale was raided by federal agents this weekend, who retrieved thousands in stolen goods, ranging from DVD players to Adidas shell toes.

Germantown, which has a long history of disorganized crime, has been a hot spot for stolen goods and illegal activity since the late 1960s, often being referred to as the largest amateur criminal enterprise since the Patriarca crime family.

Confiscating truck loads of unopened electronic equipment and sports apparel, as well as several hundred vials of an unidentified substance, which were sent out to be tested and analysed at the FBI Laboratory in Quantico, authorities are already hailing this as one of the largest scale busts in the South Shore area.

The yard sale took place on Germantown's infamous Taffrail Road.

Arresting lifelong Taffrail Road resident Sean "Launcha" McCracken, along with his two recently paroled cousins, both of Revere, federal agents were able to piece together the events of the day, using a series of trick questions and the drunken testimony of McCracken's neighborhood rivals.

McCracken was charged with grand larceny and possession of stolen goods with intent to distribute. He was later charged with possession of a ridiculous substance, as forensic experts in Quantico were able to determine the contents of the confiscated vials to be "Taff and Taff Half and Half," a homemade Germantown favorite, which is comprised of equal parts OxyContin and Bud Light Lime.

As of now, the only known location where it is legal to sell the "Taff and Taff Half and Half" is on the corner of Taffrail Road and Taffrail Road.

Wicked shitty photo of the corner of Taffrail and Taffrail.

"My attorney will have me home before my Tombstone pizza even gets cold," McCracken declared, as FBI agents gracefully dribbled his skull against the side of their unmarked cruiser before finally tossing him into the backseat. "Remember me, G-Town. And never forget the amazing deals I have offered you today."


Anonymous said...

G-Town people really think there hard ... fucking jokes. great chance if your 30 and older and you live in g-town you have at least 3 kids. sniff coke, smoke rock, pop oxy's vikes perks or any script drug you can get drink sysco or shoot dope. go through the check list tell me im wrong lol.

Anonymous said...

wicked awesome funny. well done