Monday, April 5, 2010

Local priest wins staring contest, respect of peers

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Reverend Jack Jessup of St. Mary's Parish in West Quincy took home the gold yesterday evening in Quincy's semi-annual Easter Staring Contest.

Jessup, a self-proclaimed "holy man-about-town," was last in the news after several misunderstandings between him and the Johnson Publishing Company, of Chicago, Illinois, left him with a three-year subscription to JET magazine.

The contest, which was held at Adams Field, was judged by a panel of experts that were flown in from the Monponsett section of Hanson.

Making his way into the championship round, Jessup faced six-time winner, John Mustard, who lost on a technicality after it was revealed that he was blind.

As the crowd gathered in for the final round, Jessup faced current champion, Jared Spoonman, who, after over two hours of maintaining a cold, dead stare, blew a blood vessel in his right eye, causing him to lose his title, as well as his eye.

"I'm going to King's Castle Land," Jessup remarked, after being asked his feelings on winning one of Quincy's most prestigious Easter awards.

Unaware that King's Castle Land has been closed since the mid-nineties, Jessup then headed up Route 18, blasting Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody" at a bowel-wrenching volume through his 1993 Toyota Corolla's Bose speaker system.

Arriving home approximately three hours later with a brand new King's Castle Land shirt on, Jessup's neighbors began to wonder if an Easter miracle was upon them.

Some say it was just God playing favorites, others weren't quite so sure.

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