Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web
Local ironworker, Tom Turkolio, was hit by a car earlier this morning on the corner of Furnace Brook Parkway and Quarry Street, authorities have reported.
Turkolio, a union dipshit from the small intestine of Abington, was sent to Quincy Medical Center, but was released almost immediately after, as he was determined to be "absolutely fine" by a Dr. Desmond Shaw.
The vehicle, however, is said to be in critical condition.
"I don't see this car making it through the night," remarked Alan Yip, an automotive technician who isn't afraid to admit he can appreciate a good love song. "There's just too much damage. I don't know who this Turkolio guy is, but, if he even has a conscience, he's gonna have a hard time sleeping tonight."
Turning around to play George Michael's "One More Try" at an ear-splitting volume through the brand new Bose speaker system in his service department, Yip then continued to work on the dying automobile.
It was a hopeless attempt, although one he could not resist, for even though the vehicle's days were numbered, he knew that he, as well, had to give it one more try.
Tom Turkolio could not be reached for comment on this article.
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