Friday, May 7, 2010

Headless homeless man spotted on Broad Street

Article by Beak Wilder and Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of a cell phone on Broad Street

A headless man was spotted walking into the Father Bill's Place homeless shelter on Broad Street earlier this afternoon, eyewitnesses claim.

Spotted by a vacationing couple from Orlando, the man was photographed just moments before he was able to slither out of view into the safety of the shelter, at which point authorities were alerted to the scene.

Representatives from Father Bill's Place declined to comment at this time.

According to Broad Street historians, this is the first incident of supernatural, jobless activity documented in the area in over two months.

On March 1st, Flex Edwards, a self-employed conquistador, was returning to Broad Street from a business meeting when he was violently accosted. Mr. Edwards was stripped of his newly acquired collection of Taang! Records hardcore tapes and raped in a non-sexual fashion. The culprit was later revealed by way of closed captioned security footage to be a heroin-addicted werewolf wearing a Father Bill’s Place "Homeless of the Month" wifebeater shirt.

While thousands of experts have come forward to inspect the mysterious photo, none appeared willing to go on record and verify it's authenticity.

"I know what I saw," said John Lemonshark, the Florida resident who took the photograph in question. "It was a headless man walking into a nearby homeless shelter. I'm sure of it. To say that that man had a head would be nothing short of a lie. In fact, it would be safer to assume that he had a home than it would be to assume he had a head. In a world of uncertainty, that is the only thing that's real."

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