Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Questions raised as YMCA junior wrestling program proves to have disastrous side effects

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

The YMCA junior wrestling program has been shut down indefinitely due to multiple complaints of awkward behavior amongst it's participants.

Among the many concerned parents is Guswald Fendercat, a professional shoeshiner from Squantum, who claims to have found his 8-year-old son in what he describes as a "compromising position" with a fellow neighborhood boy.

"There was just something off about how they were playing," remarked Fendercat. "I can't say what it was, exactly, but it just wasn't natural."

Head wrestling coach Stephen Clubberts was unavailable for comment on the matter, although chose to do so anyway.

"It's just wrestling," he said. "It's a perfectly normal form of exercise."

Clubberts, who is now unemployed, is expected to apply at a handful of coffee shops in area, as bills at home show no signs of diminishing.

While attentions appear to be focused on the wrestling program for now, head honchos in the school department have already decided to do away with Central Middle School's fencing program, as well as Sterling Middle School's boxing program, which, as it appears, is nothing more than actual schoolyard fistfights.

"I dunno about this shit," added Fendercat, who was fresh out of a boiling hot shower intended to help him feel clean again. "It's fucking gross."

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