Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Rockland spokesman promises swift revenge for injured teens, hires local private investigator

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

It was never meant to be anything more than a simple fight between two suburban towns. It was the stuff that S.E. Hinton novels are made of. It was just an ordinary display of misplaced rage, the perfect example of youth gone wild. But when everything about it went wrong, it became something more.

Running down four teenagers with the van he was driving, Nathan Delazook, of Norwell, was arrested and charged with attempted murder, among other charges.

All four victims were brought to nearby hospitals, where they were treated for injuries sustained during the attack. Two of the girls are said to be in critical condition and have since been relocated to Boston-area facilities.

The dispute was said to have started over a planned fight between Rockland High and Norwell High students, although authorities are still unsure as to why.

But what Nathan Delazook didn't realize is that nobody takes shit from Norwell kids, not even sandal-wearing John Mayer fans from Milton.

"Revenge will be swift," promised Rockland spokesman Colin O'Rabia.

O'Rabia, who is the owner and proprietor of the Rock Vegas Sandwich Shop and Custom Lawnmower Alterations store on VFW Drive, then began focusing his time and energy on finding a private investigator to get to the bottom of this story so that justice may be served, finally settling on lifelong Quincy resident, Kelvin Smarts.

Smarts, who recently passed his private investigator exam on the third attempt, was said to be a shoe-in for the job, as he was willing to be paid in sandwiches.

"I will get to the bottom of this in under 48 hours or you can bill me for these sandwiches," said Smarts, as he wiped a splash of Thousand Island dressing from his lips. "There is no mystery that I cannot solve, no matter how big or small."

Kelvin Smarts, who claims to be able to solve any mystery in under 48 hours.

While Rockland Police seemed to become increasingly baffled by what may have led up to this tragic altercation, Smarts remained optimistic that he would uncover the truth in a timely and professional manner, paving way for what O'Rabia described as the "most vicious act of vengeance the South Shore has ever seen."

"This town wasn't built on people who back down to Norwell kids," O'Rabia told reporters during a last-minute press conference in the basement level of Mike's Pizza on Union Street. "I don't care if the entire service department of Shaw Saab comes down here, we'll be ready. If this had been Brockton, or Taunton, or Quincy, or Weymouth, or even Kingston, it'd be a little easier to stomach. But Norwell? No fucking way. We didn't rise to fame when local legend, Jonathan Togo, got signed onto the cast of CSI: Miami, starring as Officer Ryan Wolfe, just to have some Norwell kids come down here and pull some shit like this."

As of now, no further information on this case has been made available.

While Delazook's fate remains unclear at this time, it can only be assumed that he has at least one rich and politically connected relative working behind the scenes to guarantee that he will not have to suffer the consequences of his actions.

Allegations of the driver's mother being a psychologist who claims he is a schizophrenic have already made their way onto South Shore-area message boards.

For the most up to date information on this story, please check elsewhere.

No comments: