Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Mayor enforces gender discrimination classes for all city departments, hires mysterious outsider

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

Mayor Thomas Koch has made it mandatory for all city departments to attend a comprehensive 3-hour gender discrimination seminar, City Hall has reported.

The seminars will be held by Clyde Crisp, founder of Listen to Her, Inc.

Crisp, whose business operates out of the Monponsett section of Hanson, will be flown in by helicopter next week to present a total of twelve seminars, which will reportedly cost the city an excess of $26,000 in taxpayer money.

As of now, the only city department that is exempt from participating in the seminars is the Department of Weights and Measures.

"It's important to treat each gender the same," remarked Crisp. "It's not just men that keep a city afloat. Women have many roles within city government."

Crisp, who earned his associate's degree online through the University of Phoenix, was the former manager of the Bickford's on Mayor Thomas McGrath Highway in Quincy, where he learned the intricate details of a multi-gender workplace.

"It's a natural reaction for a man to laugh in a woman's face after she has asked him a question," Crisp added. "But this is a grave mistake. Women want to be treated as if they were equals with men, not just some cooking-and-cleaning machine who opens and closes their legs whenever we see fit."

Crisp then casually walked across the street and sat awkwardly close to a female on a bench, pressing his face against hers as hard as he could.

"I want you inside me," Crisp whispered, as he maintained solid eye contact.

Those who witnessed the uncomfortable scene all agreed that Crisp held his face even closer than Senator John Kerry had on the infamous day of the 2004 "Toddler Fiasco," when a heated argument between him and a Parker Elementary School student nearly devastated his career.

The infamous "Toddler Fiasco," which cost Kerry the 2004 presidential campaign.

"Politics are politics," Crisp explained. "It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Men and women, we're all the same. We're all just doing our part in the daily grind, keeping our eyes on the same old prize. It ain't no thing."

Mayor Thomas Koch was unavailable for comment on this article, as all city departments were closed today to observe the Cinco de Mayo holiday.

1 comment:

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