Monday, May 24, 2010

Asian man infuriates residents by refusing to return bicycle to rightful owner

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of Little Johnny Spicy Pants

For years, Han Sook's neighbors thought he was nothing more than a simple Asian man. Just another sucker who thought he could achieve the American Dream.

From the paved front lawn, to the constant unfinished projects going on in his backyard, to the mid-nineties Toyota Previa minivan with absolutely no power steering, everything appeared normal. At least on the outside.

But what the people of his quiet neighborhood never knew is that Sook had been joyriding their children's bicycles and then leaving them wherever he saw fit.

It was an act of vandalism that Sook had been able to commit off the radar for a number of years, as a lack of communication between police and neighborhood watch officials paved way for a free-for-all of theft and petty crime.

But in the early morning hours of Sunday, when a city councilor woke up to find the bicycle he uses to get home drunk from the Irish Pub to be missing, the people of Montclair had finally had enough.

The city councilor asked that his name not be mentioned in this article.

"We responded to a call about a missing bicycle on Taylor Street," said Officer Nico Haylen. "By that point, it was already the fourth complaint we had received about something of that nature in the past week alone. It wasn't long before all the clues we uncovered began to point directly to Mr. Sook."

Sook, who vehemently denied knowing the English language, refused to comment on this matter, although rode away on a bike matching the city councilor's description.

According to police, Sook has so far refused to return the bicycle in question.

Han Sook, as he rode past reporters yesterday afternoon.

"When we arrived at the suspect's home, we found three bicycles in the basement," Haylen continued. "The suspect was uncooperative and had to be restrained and outmaneuvered on several occasions."

As reported, the serial numbers on all three bicycles had been removed, making it virtually impossible to prove they are the same ones that were stolen.

"These are scary times," one neighbor said. "This used to be the type of neighborhood where you could leave a hundred dollars on your front steps and wake up to find at least fifty of it still there. Now, I bet they'd take it all. These fucking Asians will bleed us dry if it's the last thing they do. If I said it once, I've said it a thousand times; this won't end with just bicycles."


Anonymous said...

If you take away my bicycles I will hurt you with unknown power!

Beakey's Dad

Anonymous said...

I think it would be better he rode a bicycle than drive a car from what I've witnessed around his neighborhood. I think I saw that same guy standing outside of Ocean State Job Lot sniffing the seat of a bicycle that was chained to a post there.

Anonymous said...

Remember when I always had mushrooms by the dozen? I want to be that guy again.