Wednesday, February 3, 2010

North Quincy residents attempt to overcome embarrassingly low 3-per-year murder rate

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

A young man was arrested just a few blocks away from a shooting outside North Quincy High School today, causing a general sense of panic to fill the streets.

The shooting took place around 3:30PM on Hunt Street, just outside the entrance to the North Quincy High School gymnasium.

It is an area of Quincy that has seen far too much action over the past couple weeks, as an unknown culprit had spray painted the words "Stay Free" on the outside wall of Kim Market just two weekends ago.

According to Quincy Police Chief John Kennan, the victim was a 16-year-old male.

As reported, the victim was shot in the leg and taken by ambulance to Boston Medical Center, where it is expected that he will receive a robotically operated transplant, built to withstand almost anything, including a nuclear holocaust.

Loose-lipped witnesses stated that they saw a man run into a house a few blocks away from the shooting, where Quincy Police eventually apprehended a suspect who had been hiding in a basement, most likely pretending to be a human furnace.

The suspected gunman was then loaded into a police car like a sack of potatoes and taken in for questioning, where we can most likely assume that he started singing like Lady Gaga at the fucking Grammy Awards.

The identity of the person arrested was not immediately known.

The suspected shooter, wondering if he's going to end up in South Bay or Dedham.

"It's a fucking war zone out there," claimed Jethro Crull, a former employee of the North Quincy Hess gas station. "That kid is lucky he only got shot in the leg. So much better than the face. First, there's kids spray painting on Hunt Street. After that, we have a shooting. What's next, a Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza reunion? This city is brewing with hatred right now, and I don't wanna be here when it erupts. You heard it here first. This city is ready to fucking explode!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Mean streets of Quincy......