Thursday, February 4, 2010

Local man arrested for attacking clown on MBTA

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of the World Wide Web

A local man was arrested yesterday for attacking a well-known entertainer on the MBTA in what authorities are calling a most gruesome and aggressive act.

Authorities arrested Ricky McClassic, an unemployed socialite from Quincy Point, after receiving several complaints about fighting on board a Red Line train.

Eyewitnesses reported absolute mayhem as McClassic got into a heated argument with Curtley Smithers, who is better known by his stage name, Eastcide the Clown.

"Those two were really going at it," claimed Art Forsaile, a frequent passenger of the Red Line. "At first, I thought they were only half-serious. They were fighting like how best friends and brothers fight. They were arguing about which Brando movie was better, Viva Zapata! or Superman, and shit just started to get ugly from there."

Stopping briefly to adjust his crotch, Forsaile continued. "Then, all of the sudden, that McClassic kid got up out of his seat and started to punch the clown. Right in the back of the neck, too. It was a grim scene, to say the least."

As reported, the fallout between the two passengers started over what appeared to be a minor disagreement, although those who are "in the know" seemed to come to their own conclusions, some of them even claiming that the feud was long overdue.

"Those two definitely knew each other," claimed Johnny Crumbfoot, an aspiring blackbelt from Wollaston, last in the news after accidentally purchasing an XXL turtleneck for Mayor Koch, who is a borderline midget. "There was hatred in that dude's eyes. This was definitely not the first time these two had met. There was no hesitation, no regret. He fucked that clown up so bad, his ring left a huge incision on his forehead. I've never seen anybody as angry as that McClassic guy was, it was insane. If anything in life is guaranteed, that kid never asked to be born!"

Eastcide the Clown, just days before receiving a most ruthless ass whooping.

"At this point, we are considering this to be an isolated incident," said Raymond "Mass Bay Ray" Feinstein, a spokesman for the MBTA. "The Red Line is a place for safe and convenient travel with friends, family, and loved ones. It's not some fancy brawl park, or some crazy league of pain. This is one solitary event, which in no way has any bearing on how one should look at the MBTA as a whole."

Eastcide the Clown has been reported to be in stable condition at Quincy Medical Center, where he was pronounced "absolutely hilarious" by a Dr. Desmond Shaw upon arrival. No further information on his status is known.

1 comment:

lenny the doosh said...

The Quincy Sun, a certainly less notable and more scandaless media source that wished to remain nameless and would have if they had gone out of business years ago is claiming that Eastside the Clown is non other than a 71 year old alzhiemers suffering, dilutional Brian Dennehy reanacting his 1992 role from the piece of shit family film "To Catch a Killer" were he played America's favorite child's birthday party clown...John Wayne Gacy.