Thursday, December 3, 2009

Quincy resident breaks MBTA world record, law

Article by Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Dave “Drinka” Adamson, a 42-year-old resident of Father Bill’s Place homeless shelter, broke MBTA world records last night shortly before being arrested at the Quincy Adams train station.

Adamson set a new record for traveling the entire length of the MBTA on all routes, including train, bus, and ferry in under three hours.

It is assumed that Mr. Adamson broke the record accidentally, as surveillance footage shows him boarding a train at Quincy Center, and then passing out.

It was a cycle that the drunken derelict would repeat an astonishing sixteen times over the course of the trip, until his trial and error wanderings eventually managed to get him back to Quincy.

Upon being charged with 37 counts of lewdness in public, 20 counts of indecent exposure, 1 count of reading the Boston edition Metro upside down to give off the impression of being literate, and 6 ½ counts of telling people on the subway his opinions on things, Mr. Adamson was then brought to the Quincy Police headquarters holding cells.

Adamson broke the MBTA's previous record from six years ago, as set by a 4-year-old child named Wenderto Alomar, who was abandoned by her parents at the Savin Hill station and then adopted by various workers on the MBTA.

According to legend, Alomar would be cared for by a subway or bus driver until her incessant whining would cause them to pass her off to another transit worker. This cycle continued until she was booted off of a moving Green Line train into the Charles River, where she fell to her death.

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