Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Recent scientific study proves that watching sports makes you "sort of gay"

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

A recent study conducted by scientists has shown that there is a definite connection between watching sports and being homosexual.

The study, which was conducted in front of O'Brien's Pub in Allston, was overseen by three highly respected area men, and was rumored to last almost the exact amount of time it took for Rampant Decay to start playing and then get banned for life. It was a storyline O'Brien's Pub had most definitely seen before.

"Those scientists were up to something," claimed Jimmy Flynn, a "man with a plan" type of guy with at least ten years of being shifty and shady under his belt. "They were trying to discover shit."

Scientists in the area refused to admit whether, or not, they were there to, in fact, discover shit, however, many locals believed that they were.

"It's sort of gay," said Jorge Camifortia, a crisp looking fellow from the smooth part of town. "It's just a bunch of dudes sitting around on a couch, watching a bunch of other dudes on the television. It's really weird, y'know? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being gay. I'm just pointing out something I've noticed, that's all. All I'm saying is, if I was watching a movie that had a bunch of dudes slapping each other on the ass, people would start to think things about me. And who blame 'em?"

There has been no comment yet from any sports fan, as they are all assumed to be slapping, touching, and hugging, all while screaming "we did it" into the air, even though they didn't actually do anything at all.


sweden said...

Sports for men must be like dancing is with women, you get to touch things you normally wouldn't.Of course two women dancing looks sexy and two men touching just looks gross. I'm not a sports fan.

Amandasaurus said...

It seems to me that men who want to appear tougher and more manly are the prime participants in sports. So you may be onto something. Does this mean athletes and their fans are all homosexual? We don't know, but it appears we are on the way to a new trend. That's right: gay is the new macho!

Jessy Drastic said...


Steven said...

If wearing tight pants and participating in celebratory ass touching with other men is gay then you can call me Rock Hudson.

Rich said...

I'd like to see those pricks try to ban us for life.