City's homeless strike envy with hard-working residents, "jobs are for schmucks," they say

Article by Beak Wilder / Photos courtesy of a fucking wild time on Broad Street

All throughout the Granite City, people are enjoying the great weather and fun times of late spring, but none more than the homeless community at Father Bill's.

Father Bill's Place, which has long since housed some of the city's most undesirable homeless residents, is known for it's ability to continuously look after heroin addicts and rapists, rent-free, as well it's award-winning recipe for bagel pizzas.

But bagel pizzas aren't the only thing on the menu at Father Bill's Place.

Take this past Saturday, for example, when the entire establishment was outside barbecuing ribs and burgers for an unruly group of scumbags that consisted of no less than 60% convicted child molesters and drug addicts.


The homeless residents of Father Bill's Place, having a BBQ while you were at work.

"I can't believe how good these pieces of shit have it," said Calvin Shroud. "I was busting my ass on a nine-hour shift, and these guys are out there cooking half-racks on the grill. I swear, this world couldn't be any more mixed up if it tried."

Shroud then casually ingested a lethal dosage of potassium cyanide and crawled onto a nearby bench, where he was largely ignored by almost all who passed.

And as if barbecues and all-day hangouts weren't enough, some of the homeless have actually taken to urinate on the side of Father Bill's Place itself. Becoming too consumed by their luxurious lifestyles, most claim the bathroom is "too far to walk to," leaving those who work on Broad Street with a most horrifying image.


A homeless piece of shit, pissing all over the very building where he lives for free.

"Jobs are for schmucks," one homeless man said. "Why would I look for employment when I can just kick back and eat fire-grilled hot dogs and potato salad?"

It seems that no matter how hard the working man tries, a homeless person comes along a reaps the benefits of his labor. From shelters to detoxes, the bottom-feeding leeches of society seem to have no problem finding a place to call home, while those who work hard and struggle to make ends meet are left with the bill.

To speak to a homeless person, call Father Bill's Place at 617-770-3314.