Friday, June 25, 2010

Man with obvious mental issues redefines waistline, unveils all-new summer fashion

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of a cell phone in Quincy Center

A local man was spotted roaming the city streets today, wearing a pair of denim jeans that took up no less than 85% of his already insane looking body.

While some believe this man has simply mistaken the definition of what a waistline is, others believe he may be unveiling a brand new summer fashion. As to where others may obtain clothes of this fashion, no one is exactly sure.

The man, whose name was not made available to the media, due to the fact he is mentally disabled, is said to reside in an inpatient treatment center on Fenno Street.

His name was later revealed by friends and family to be Chipton Smoothly.

Smoothly, who has never made headlines before today, was unable to be reached for comment on this article, as his drastically illogical sense of reality caused his brain to shut down at the simple thought of being interviewed.

Jealous residents and medical staff at his assisted living home then locked Smoothly in a piping hot broom closet, where he was found dead hours later.

Smoothly is survived by two younger brothers and six adjacent neighbors.


Anonymous said...

Vagina fresh!

Anonymous said...

uncle Chipton is dead!?!?

Anonymous said...


Tacky said...

What a sad sack.

Chris said...

Wow, get the fuck out of my hometown you yuppie piece of shit.