Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Newspaper spill hits Route 3A to public indifference, lackluster reviews

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Dozens of newspapers spilled out onto the corner of Coddington Street and Route 3A this morning, causing minor pile-ups and massive amounts of disinterest.

Thankfully, none of the drivers were injured, although several pedestrians were killed when a mid-nineties Toyota Corolla spun wildly out of control, pinning them against the stone wall of the Mount Wollaston Cemetery.

The newspapers, which had been heading east towards the Germantown and Hough's Neck sections of Quincy, were unable to be salvaged.

"I've seen better examples of chaos in my time," said Ray Skardbull. "Shit, I've had a few first dates lately that were more intense than that. Still, a lot of people died today. Whatever. Next time this happens, we'll be ready."

Skardbull was arrested shortly after on several unrelated rape charges.

Every year, it is estimated that hundreds of newspapers are lost during transit. At least half of those are believed to at one point cause a vicious accident. There is no way to currently estimate how many accidents happen in the world each day, although expert analysts believe that number to be in the thousands.

No comments: