Thursday, April 30, 2009

Quincy Center's billion dollar renewal project shows plans for more trees, less T-rats

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Quincy's billion dollar renewal project has just entered the Phase 3 stage, and can currently be seen in development on Mayor McGrath Highway. "It's a major step for the city's economic base," stated Mayor Thomas Koch, just before evading questions on the possible traffic inconveniences to come.

As seen in the photo above, the city plans on completely redesigning the portion of Hancock Street that passes by City Hall. This area will be accessible only to pedestrians on foot, as it will do away with the entire rotary that circles around the Church of the Presidents.

Phase 1 of the project was an extensive remodeling of the mayor's office, which included the installation of a Nintendo Wii system, as well as a Bose surround sound speaker system, reportedly so loud it can be heard all the way from the Fat Cat.

It was the mayor's love of video games that spawned Phase 2 of the development, coined by those involved as the Quincy Center Concourse, which involved designing a computerized image of what Quincy Center will look like when the project has finally reached its completion.

"It sorta looks like they're designing it after the city in Grand Theft Auto 2," commented one city resident. "It looks like there's gonna be a lot of trees in that area, which is kinda cool, if you like that type of shit. I don't see any T-rats hanging out at the train station either. That one's a little hard to believe, but if they can pull it off, I'm all for it. Those kids are pretty disgusting people."

Plans for a new hotel, however, seem to be up in the air, as a question mark can be spotted in its location on the image above. Other rumors as to what will be erected in this location include a miniature golf course, a ChapStick factory, a Vietnamese nail salon, or an extremely large Irish pub.

"I'd much rather the Irish pub," said Stina Bellcamp, a local veterinarian. "We've always had a serious lack of them around these parts. And seriously, who would ever want to vacation in Quincy Center?"

As for how fast, or how closely to the proposed budget, this development will unfold, only time will tell. Until then, the city advises all residents to remain paying their taxes on time, or even earlier, if possible.


Anonymous said...

Beakey I miss you over at blt. Come back soon.


Beak Wilder said...

My work blocked BLT in a vicious act of power assertion!

Spiller said...

I was just informed of this on the board. What jerks! You should tell them that you can generate business on blt. I mean who else will give me advice about my car?

Beak Wilder said...

Unfortunately, all further motor vehicle advice will have to be directed to Evan Parker, as my work clearly wants me to have nothing to do with Lemmingtrail.

Anonymous said...

Is the ridiculous sculpture that used to be in front of city hall which is now in Freedom Park going to be part of the new Quincy center or do you think they will relocate it again even further away from plain view?

Beak Wilder said...

As far as I know, Mayor Koch had that sculpture relocated into his office and rigged one of the overhead sprinklers so that it's continuously spraying water onto it, causing a calming, waterfall-like scene for him to look at while he reads Hustler.