Thursday, April 23, 2009

Vandal defaces Wollaston's Uncle Sam billboard in hilarious act of rebellion

Article by Beak Wilder and Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Authorities are still looking for the culprit who spray painted on Uncle Sam Rounseville's billboard on the corner of Beale Street and Newport Avenue. The incident occured approximately two weeks ago, and has nearly divided Quincy into two groups; those who are too uptight to find the humor in it, and those who think it's absolutely fucking hilarious. The sign, as many Quincy residents already know, originally said "Bet on U.S." The vandal utilized this pre-existing text and spray painted, "And lose all of your chips," underneath it, making it the first time the sign has ever actually made anyone laugh.

Uncle Sam Rounseville has offered a $500 reward for anyone who has information leading to the person responsible for the graffiti, although there are no new leads in the case at this time. When asked about the case, the Quincy Police Department declined to comment, although it is presumed that they would have said something along the lines of, "we always get our man." It is believed that the media swarm surrounding the Craigslist Killer may have temporarily put the case on the backburner, where it may remain for quite some time.

Bob's Sign Repair offered to repair the sign at a discounted rate, however, Uncle Sam stated that he preferred to have the vandal paint it instead. Possible ties between the vandal and Bob's Sign Repair, which has been hit very hard by the current recession, are being looked into, as well.

Uncle Sam Rounseville is a real estate broker who had his first name legally changed to Uncle Sam back in the early nineties. He has owned the billboard for the past thirteen years, and has forced the entire city of Quincy to look at his face for the majority of it. Where the original Howard Johnson's once stood, we can now count on an ever-changing billboard with Uncle Sam's face, accompanied by witty, patriotic, post-9/11 one-liners, each one worse than the last.

Anybody with information leading to the capture of the unknown vandal is strongly urged by the Quincy Scallion to remain quiet and keep their mouth shut.


Anonymous said...

Thank God someone brought this story to light. This guy is so dam full of himself, an egomaniac if you will and I for one think it's pretty damn funny. Maybe others will follow and discourage him from ever putting up another self indulgent poster again. I lived dangerously close to that billboard at one time and so I didn't go Postal had to move out of the continental US. Keep on this story Mr. Wilder. Let's restore this city back to what it's supposed to be........The City of Presidents and NOT qall about Uncle Sam!!!!!

Anonymous said...

My biggest concern about this story is that mosquitos transmit deseases. I don't want to be at Fratelli's bakery mowing on a danish and get bit by a mosquito that has just bitten a homeless person............I don't want to catch homelessness. The economy is in shambles........and now to add to my woes I gotta worry about this? I'm going to by my Danish at Seven Eleven from now on........just can't take a chance.

Anonymous said...

My dad has been urging my brother and I to vandalize that sign for about 12 years now. He even offered money once.

PS his actual credit card has his name as 'Uncle Sam Rounseville'. I seen it.

Quincy Scallion said...

Thank you for the information in regards to the name on Uncle Sam's credit card, however, we here at the Quincy Scallion would much prefer to have the credit card number, as well as the expiration date. We feel that we are owed a certain level of compensation for having to look at his annoying face for the past decade.