Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Elderly woman with zany license plate crashes car into George Camia's house, no one injured, hundreds amused

Article by Beak Wilder and Brunk Edwards / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Only forty-five minutes after police received a phone call involving a hit-and-run, the same car ended up crashing through a garage in Wollaston, inevitably resulting in firefighters responding to free the woman from the vehicle.

The woman's name was not released to the public, however, a user on the Patriot Ledger message board described her as possibly having "very low blood sugar."

Deputy Fire Chief Gary Smyth said that the woman was conscious and showed no obvious signs of trauma. No word yet as to whether, or not, she realizes how stupid an event like this appears to the public eye.

"Looks like the pool is fucked," said neighbor, Steve Wilson, a habitually misinformed liar. Steve Wilson was last interviewed after the 9/11 tragedy, stating, "the French are trying to take back the Statue of Liberty."

It all started around 1:21pm on April 7th, when police received a call involving a hit-and-run accident involving a blue vehicle with the personalized license plate, DRFOOT. It was at this point that the presumed podiatrist kept driving until she crashed into a garage belonging to George Camia, a struggling musician known for his work with the Ramblin' Souls and Shot Dead.

"I'm hurt and confused," explained George Camia. "Especially after all the looting of my garage that went on that night. I was holding onto DJ Silent Partner's bass amp, and the night after the crash, someone climbed in there and stole the bass head, but apparently couldn't get the speakers up and over the rubble. We tried boarding the place up, but that didn't stop the maggots from wiggling in there again and trying to take the speakers on the second night. I think that it's really weird how she hit someone forty-five minutes before, came all the way down Beach Street, drove down my neighbor's driveway, hit my neighbor's house, and then came through a fence and across a yard with enough force to smash a gaping hole into the side of my garage. The whole experience has been very overwhelming."

"Her insurance company sent me a letter," he explained further. "They said they can't be held liable because of a medical condition she has. How can she not be held liable? All she had to do was stop the car after the first accident. She obviously had plenty of chances to pull over to the side of the road and put her blinkers on, or even get out of the car and ask for help. But instead, she kept on driving three hundred yards, or so, down the road, and into my garage. I mean, seriously, cut the crap."

In an entirely unrelated note, it was at this point that Mr. Camia went on to explain how he doesn't even consider Cut the Crap to be a true Clash album, as Mick Jones had already left the band before it was made.

"Low blood pressure can be a dangerous thing," he went on. "And that makes diabetics that don't have enough sense to pull over, especially when they're feeling lightheaded and dizzy, very dangerous people."

No further information in regards to the first accident has been made available.


Brunk Edwards said...

Upon further questioning, it does not seem likely the car will be charged with murder, as it is not a legal citizen, human, or able to afford legal defense. Also, no one was killed. More as it develops.

Anonymous said...

You better get Maaco