Thursday, April 23, 2009

Local girl panics after hearing about Great Pacific Garbage Patch, all others remain ambivalent

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

A local girl recently professed to her boyfriend a brief moment of concern about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, located in the Pacific Ocean, between America's west coast and Japan. This pile of oceanic dumpings has been known to separate underwater, resembling something Wikipedia refers to as "zooplankton", which can be accidentally consumed by jellyfish, marine birds, and sea turtles, mistaking it as food. It has also been known to drift underwater and onto the shores of once beautiful beaches, causing them to resemble Wollaston Beach, circa 1987. To this day, no one is sure how much trash lies beneath the surface of the water. Some say it could be hundreds of gallons, some say even more. It was after learning this information that the Quincy Scallion realized the high level of intensity surrounding this breaking news. "I heard about it on Oprah," commented the troubled girl, who wished to remain anonymous. She declined to comment any further on the situation.

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