8 Ball jacket spotted at Club 58, entire city left to wonder what's next

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of a Nextel i580 cell phone

In a recent discovery, a mint condition 8 Ball jacket was seen being worn by a local hip-hop enthusiast at Quincy's Club 58, the former Shooters pool hall, now known for its overwhelmingly high level of tolerance to debaucherous bathroom gropings, late night "key bump" antics, and outdated fashion statements.

"It's jackets like these that make me worry," stated Radek Foozbowski, manager of the Knights of Columbus's weekly meat raffle. "With 8 Ball jackets, there's always trouble. I don't know if they just disperse these jackets into the already seedy underbelly of Quincy, or maybe the jackets themselves are what infect the minds of these people, but when you see an 8 Ball jacket heading your way, you turn the other way and run. You get the fuck out of wherever you are, and you don't look back, because there's no way that the bearer of that jacket has anything that could even closely be considered good intentions."

Patrons in attendance were panicked by the 8 Ball jacket almost immediately, some of them resorting to extreme measures to ensure their quick escape. "I called the cops the second I saw the thing," remarked Larry Manusha, a longtime fan of the Quincy nightlife. "Before the jacket even made its way to the bar, people were screaming and trampling over each other to get out. It was absolute chaos. It actually reminded me a lot of the bank robbery scene in Heat, or some deleted scene out of Cloverfield, or something like that. People were literally slipping into madness, all of them just piling up at the exits. Destructive Rhythm had to stop their set short and make a break for it, leaving behind a vintage Ludwig kit that the 8 Ball jacket just consumed like it was "The Blob." I'm just glad I made it out of there alive. Living through something like this really makes you think."

As to the current whereabouts of this 8 Ball jacket, no one is sure, although some have speculated that it is still present at Club 58, lurking in the shadows, patiently awaiting its next victim. Other theorists have concluded that the jacket was merely a figment of everyone's imaginations, brought on by a combination of the bright, multi-colored lights of Club 58 and the lingering post-traumatic stress from 9/11. Until further information is available, it is advised that all Quincy residents remain keen and aware of their surroundings, as the possibility of an 8 Ball jacket infiltration is there. More on this continuing story as it develops.