Homeless people still not attractive, study shows

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of a cell phone on Broad Street

A recent study conducted by a team of experts shows that homeless people are still among Quincy’s least attractive residents.

The study, which was conducted in the basement level of the former Quincy Records & Tapes, consisted of six highly educated individuals viewing a slide reel of Quincy residents, to which they judged each on a scale of 1-to-10.

As to be expected, homeless people did not fare well in the study.

"What do you want from me?" asked Kelvin Springtime, who oversaw the study from a library computer's webcam. "Homeless people are fucking disgusting."

Springtime was last in the news after several Walmart shoppers confused his infamous "Springtime is here" entrance call with a declaration of a change in seasons, resulting in a most unexpected rise in beach chair sales.

For more information on homeless people, hide from your responsibilities.