Area man deems Wendy's new Spicy Chicken Nuggets "not spicy enough," threatens suicide

Article by Beak Wilder / Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web

Chipley "Redline" Spaulding, 37, of West Quincy, has locked himself inside his studio apartment on Centre Street, threatening to take his own life if Wendy's does not release a spicier chicken nugget by noon tomorrow.

Spaulding, who has a long history of threatening suicide, was unavailable for comment, however, allowed photographers to take numerous photos of him.

"The Spicy Chicken Nuggets at Wendy's aren't even spicy," Spaulding said on his blog. "And while they are very tasty, especially when accompanied by the Heartland Ranch dipping sauce, the level of spiciness you get from them is significantly less than one would initially expect."

Spaulding was last featured in the media after chaining himself to the front of an MBTA bus in an attempt to bring BoKu fruit juice back on the market.

"This isn't the first time this Spaulding character has tried something like this," claimed Officer John Steele, a tough-as-nails rookie with something to prove. "As soon as we get the okay from the chief, we're knocking that door down and I'm gonna make it a special point to take that guy's kneecaps out. I honestly can't think of anything that would be more satisfying. It's people like him that waste the time of law enforcement, causing those who need it to suffer. People like Chipley Spaulding make me sick."